A Message From the Desk of the Secretary of HHS
- No Punching Down
- Feb 11
- 1 min read
Meat and Ferments Party: A Cordial Invitation
Hosted by
Gomez Addams
Patriot. Romantic. Enthusiast of fermented cabbage.
This Sunday evening, as the nation gathers in loud and fluorescent joy,
we shall instead celebrate in the traditional Addams manner:
• Meats of significant gravity
• Vegetables preserved through time and bacteria
• Beverages of a bracing and possibly historical nature
Attire:
Funereal Formal or “recently inherited wealth.”
Cheering is permitted, but must be delivered with conviction,
as though announcing the arrival of a dueling opponent.
Commercials will be discussed only as psychological artifacts.
Any guest bringing nacho cheese will be politely escorted to the hedge maze.
Festivities commence at twilight.
Kickoff shall be observed.
The outcome, like life, is temporary.
RSVP before the ravens lose interest.
— Gomez Addams
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